Saving Santa

I was walking in the mall the last week and I saw the place where people come take pictures with Santa. Santa wasn't in his oober plush chair, but was walking away with security to probably take a smoking break or something. When I saw him leaving I felt the urge to run up to him and body slam him. Taking down the old man seemed like the most logical thing to do. Sometimes I think I should act on these aggressive urges I have instead of pushing them aside to look normal on the outside. That's all.

(Santa totally deserved to be tackled. I'm just saying.)

One Year Older and Still Acting My Moccasin Size

Tuesday was my birthday and let me tell you it was delightful!

Earlier in the year I wondered what day of the week my birthday would land on ad when I saw that it would be a Tuesday I was so happy. Tuesday is my favorite day of the week. There are many things to celebrate about Tuesdays. You can eat as many tacos as you want on Tuesdays and people can't complain. It's Taco Tuesday and that's the rule. Taco's on Tuesday or no dessert for you.

When I would travel with the rest of the Pilch's for the traveling Shakespeare show Pericles I would insist on Taco Tuesdays. They started off all enthusiastic about it and then they realized that I meant every Tuesday. (Well, DUH!) There were grumbled complaints, especially since we only toured Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I pretended I didn't hear and continued the jubilant enforcement of Taco Tuesday. YAY! Now, all those complainers will sometimes get together on a Tuesday for tacos with out me. They do it on purpose to make me feel left out. Whatever, this Bitty doesn't even care, so take that!

For whatever reason when I started Grad school this past September I decided it would be a grand idea to put classes on Tuesday and Thursday and then the rest of my week would be totally free and I wouldn't have to travel all that way to school so much. Best idea ever! Then, about Octoberish, I realized that I had to go to school ON MY BIRTHDAY! WHAT?!? I know! Worst idea ever!

What's the other great thing about Tuesdays? Me, it's me! I was born on a Tuesday YAY!!! So this is how my birthday went. I woke up and got sung "Happy Birthday" to outside the bathroom door by mom and Heather. Heather hoped I was on the toilet. HAH! Showed her, I had already moved on to checking myself out in the mirror. They had cinnamon rolls and orange juice for breakfast. D-E-LICIOUS! Then I had to go to class. Blah! You're probably wondering why I didn't just ditch. 1. I have a hard time doing that. I can sleep through class, sure, but just not show up? Scandalous! 2. We had to do some class participation stuff. Theatre classes you really need to be there because it's never just taking notes. They always make you participate.

I went to class and participated. I'm kind of adverse to group work because everyone else isn't as smart as me. I know this because if they were as smart as me they would be doing what I think they should be doing and not question my great ideas. I live in a world of stupids. They show up in every group I am. It's tragic really. This group wasn't as stupid as most because it took them only a little while to realize that I was worth listening to and we accomplished things so much quicker. Maybe there's hope (but probably not).

Then I drove to Disneyland and met mom and Heather there. Oh man, was that fun. I got to choose whatever we were to do because it was my birthday. Usually I hate being the one to make decisions, but I knew this was coming and had mentally prepared myself for it. We went on Peter Pan, which wasn't as smooth sailing as it used to be. Also, it was very dark. Next was Pirates of the Caribbean. It was quite bumpy at the loading area. I almost rumbled out of my seat. (I didn't because I was in the middle, but Mom splashed out of the boat and in the wet water. She wasn't pleased. Nor were we. What was she thinking? The boat behind us fished her out and now she lives with them.) It was darker in this ride too! Then we went on Haunted Mansion which had all of the Nightmare Before Christmas stuff everywhere and was delightful. I love it mucho, especially when you get in your "DOOOOMBUGGY" and the creepy guy is instructing you to stay seated and then the funny spanish speaking guy says, I presume, what the creepy voiced guy just said, but in a funny spanish voice. Not scary at all. Keep those dos manos inside the "DOOOOMBUGGY"! This ride was dark too, what is the DEAL Disneyland? Are you using those stupid energy saving lights that take forever and a day to brighten so by the time the park closes they are almost to full brightness? What a stupid idea going green is sometimes.

I wanted to go on the Winnie the Pooh ride because they sing happy birthday. It's to Pooh, but we pretend it's for the birthday individual. It would have been me this time! But alas, it had a sticky situation and I was not sung to by pre-programmed animatronic characters. It could have been a horrible day...BUT I had gotten Disney dollars to spend in the park and I purchased a lovely pair of moccasins that I had my eye on for months! HUZZAH!!! They are quite comfortable.

Throughout the day family and friends sent their "happy birthday"'s to me. I was quite popular, for the most part. Erin finally came and we chowed down on delicious food. Not tacos. What? But it was a Tuesday! I know, we had Birthday Taco's the night before so unclench your buttocks and move on. It was my birthday and I made a rule that since we were celebrating it for a couple days anyway might as well treat it as one looong day, with 8 hour naps scattered here and there. I got a cupcake for dessert, mmm-hmmm.

We had to leave about this time because I had to drive all the way back to school for my night class and Erin and mom were going to catch a flight to Utah. Why they would chose such a destination to go to on MY BIRTHDAY of all days. It's not that they left on vacation on my birthday, but that they chose Utah. If they were going to, say, Djibouti I wouldn't be angry because: 1. It has an awesome name and 2. It isn't Utah. I shall get over it eventually. It's just the principle of the thing!

Getting to class was so awful. I was stuck in traffic and was 25 minutes late to class. Oh the shame! I hate being late to places. But I was able to learn some stuff while I was there anyways so it wasn't too bad. When I left that night I started to feel sick (lightheaded and dizzy) and was scared to drive home. I told Heather I may not make it. I put my sweatshirt on and put the AC on my face and it helped me feel better and so I made it home in safety. Thank goodness! That would be tragic to die on my Birthday! The people who ignored me on that day would have felt mighty awful, now wouldn't they? (You know who you are and so do I!)

When I went to bed I felt oober sick again and put a cold dishcloth on my face to help me fall asleep. It helped cool me down, but it didn't help me not think about dying. Oooh boy. Whenever I get sick I think I'm going to die, because I don't get really sick that often. I was thinking about how I don't have a will. What was I doing at my now old age without a will? So I started going through my head who would get what of what I owned and believe me was this hard to do! Some of the things went easily to people, but then I thought of someone that I should probably leave something for, but I didn't have anything that they would want or need. It put into perspective how much of my stuff wasn't worth beans. I was going to write down what I would give to people here, but then I don't want people to feel insulted if I forgot to give them something or forgot what I had intended to give them (I was sleepy, it happens) AND I especially don't want people to kill me just to get my stuff. I may create a hidden will someday, but for now I feel that the only way to remain un-murdered is to keep my will in my head so that if you kill me you won't know what you get. Done and done!

Thanks for all the "Happy Birthday"'s! Love you all!

Who gets to thrust these people down to hell? That might be a good job...

Today was a pretty good day. My hours for work were cut because the store didn't make enough money this week to keep them. However, a couple hours after I should have started they called and asked if I wanted to come in and get some of those hours back. Of course! I went in and it made me feel slightly happier with the world.

Work was good. I was able to be on the register and in the fitting room for a while, which are the places I like to work the best. I was on the register being happy and helpful and going as fast as I could so that the customers were happy. Seriously, I thought about how I doing pretty alright even though there were like a zillion sales going on. I was keeping up for the most part.

Then it happened. I realized that many sales back something bad had happened. I remember this lady and her daughter so well. I was so nice to them and tried to help them as happily and quickly as I could. It was later that I found out that they had cheated the store AND me. I'm not going to say exactly what happened, but all you really need to know is they lied and basically stole.

I honestly couldn't believe it had happened and talked to the head cashier and a manager about it and we all concluded that this lady had screwed the system AND me. What a horrible person. There really wasn't anything we could have done about it. I mean this was a tricky scam, but don't think that I will be duped twice. NO SIR!!! This will never happen to me again. I know what to look for and will spot this scam from a mile away. Forsure.

The head cashier said that I shouldn't worry about it and asked if I was mad. I should have been mad. But no. When it came down to it I felt betrayed. You know that feeling when you have been lied to? That was it. I couldn't believe that someone could do something like that. I don't know how people feel justified doing something like that. I can't even fathom doing something like that. Never. My manager said that this was because I was raised right. I'm glad I have a good family because these people may think they have a good life, but really they must feel so empty. I feel bad for that lady, but I feel worse for her daughter that was right there learning from her mother's bad behavior.

People feel that they are screwing the man when they steal from stores especially big companies. They must feel that the company doesn't need the money and they can afford to lose some money to them. That's not true. Who it really screws is associates like me that have hours cut because the store is not making the money is should be making. Honestly, this pay period has not been happy for me because of people like this lady who have been stealing from the company I work for. When the store loses money they have to cut back on hours and so those people that actually do an honest days work lose out on opportunities to work. So now I am mad that these people who feel they have the right to steal, and even do it for a living, have taken away my opportunity to get paid. I don't appreciate it. I will never forget that ladies face and feel I have the right to kick her in the teeth if I ever see her again.

Good energy flowing in from the South-West, take heed.

I've been sleeping sooo restlessly these past couple of days. I can't stand not being able to lie down and automatically fall asleep. How do other people do it? Maybe I need a new bed time ritual. Maybe I just need a new bed. I'm thinking the latter.

I've never been a normal sleeper, I don't think. I move around A LOT!!! People have told me that they feel sorry for my husband when I finally do get married. I don't blame them; I feel sorry for my poor future husband. I've always looked at the whole Lucy/Ricky relationship as ideal (I mean it!) They are totally loving husband and wife, but they get their own beds! How awesome is that? I'm sure there were some nights that they pushed them together. They had a kid for goodness sake. But honestly, I've always considered that as being the perfect solution for my married life. Is that sad?

I'm not sure what position I tend to stay in sleeping. I feel that I am 70% side sleeper. But it's more of a twisty pretzel side sleep; hard to explain. But then there are nights where stomach sleeping is delightful or I need to be on my back. Pillows under my head, pillows under my legs, no pillows at all. It's kind of ridiculous sometimes the amount of positions I try before I can fall asleep. And then, I guess I keep trying to get comfortable throughout the night because I move sooo much. Slightly annoying (and that's me thinking that, could you imagine what my husband would say? It would probably be more than slightly). I thought that I would grow out of it, because that is what people said, so that by the time I was ready to get married I wouldn't get my husband out of bed (on accident). By this rate of growing out of it I won't get married until I'm 50. Forreal.

Then there is the whole trouble of directions. I feel that my body has this weird inner compass that only lets me sleep when my head is pointing the right way. Whether it's north, south, east or west. I'm not joking. This is a serious problem. Lately I've been sleeping with my head going South East, but last night I could not fall asleep for the life of me. I thought it was because I was sick so I got up and took some medicine and went back to bed. At this point my internal compass took over my body and laid me down with my head going South West (more west than south though). I fell instantly asleep. You may think it was the drugs. Hah! You would be wrong! It was totally my body needing to be pointing another way. I slept pretty good for the few hours of sleep after that.

The way I sleep is definitely interesting, there's no doubt about it. It's annoying and frustrating trying to figure out what my body wants to do, but I have been getting better at figuring it out closer to the start of the bedtime routine. It may be because I've been sick that I've been totally off my game. Let's hope that's it. I've become okay that I'm an abnormal sleeper and it may be my claim to fame one day? Okay, I guess I can't go that far, but it's all good.

My poor husband though... :/

Free Willy!

William attempted suicide. I KNOW!!! I was shocked. I mean he has a great life, which includes me so what does he have to be upset about?

I guess he could be upset that his water was low...but come on! When my room gets messy so does his bowl so he needs to deal with it right? Wrong. He tries to find a way out. So sad his little life came to this. It made me feel like a bad person.

I finally saw how depressed he was and how he would ignore me more than usual (I think he's been picking up some tips from Molly on how to ignore the people that love you and feed you.) but the thing that made me really take an interest in taking the time to clean his disgusting bowl was seeing that whenever he moved his fin would come out of the water a little. Poor William.

I was going to bed and was feeding him when I realized I needed to help a guy out. I wrote on my message board "SAVE WILLIAM!!!"

The next day I proceeded to do so, but when I was transferring the little fella from his nastiness into a clean cupful of water he jumped ship! I was talking to Emily on the phone and was so scared. I put her down on the counter and tried desperately to pick up William, who seemed intent on lying on the counter until he was as dry as it was. Every time I would pick him up he would wiggle away and my mind sped..."How long can he survive without water?" "This is really gross." "I can't lose him, I'd be a failure." "I'm not sure I like the way he feels." "One Mississippi...two Mississippi...three Mississippi..how long do I have?"

Finally, I screamed at him to let me pick him up and he did! I don't know how big a fish's brain is to begin with, but he must have lost some brain cells to give in and obey me. Holy Hannah! I was so relieved that he wasn't going to die.

William's bowl is clean, he's getting fed and his colors coming back. This fish has gone through rehab twice now. Once for being anorexic and not eating his food and now for this. I may have to watch him more carefully this time around so that he doesn't go off the deep end and shave his head or something.

Just keep swimming!

Ultimate Takedown? Meh, I'm for Peace.

Many of you may recall the blog where I did on all call "bring it" for a competition where I would kick butt. I may have stuck my foot in my mouth because I'm not as tough as I think I am.

I kind of gave up on the whole competition the week after I started. I mean, I was amazing and totally do good, but then I lost interest and stopped my amazingness.

Don't think you won. You didn't. I know for a fact you didn't do as well as you thought you would either. We both stopped and it was a mutual decision for no final throw down. You are good, I'm amazing and we'll leave it at that.

Loves you, mean it!

Dear Phelps Fans - You should have known, but if you didn't....

It's a day for all to celebrate!!! Because we are all PHELPS FANS!!! WOO-HOO!!!

So I turned to this month on my amazing Michael Phelps calender and found something to look forward to. You'll never believe it...

TODAY IS MICHAEL PHELPS' BIRTHDAY!!!

So in honor of Phelps from the ultimate Phelps Fan I send out a special Happy Birthday!!!



It's time to celebrate Phelps Fans, it's time to celebrate!

WE WON!!!

Sooo...I bet you all are wondering, "WHAT HAPPENED???"

I got sick! So last the fourth game win was supposed to be me all sarcastic about the refs and the abc announcers. Let's save some time...I hate them. Now that that's summed up. Fisher rocked that game and I love him to death.

Sunday! I worked... :( I missed the entire game and was happy to hear that we won the NBA Finals. Does this sound anti-climatic? That's how it felt to me. I was happy, but I didn't experience it with them so...I was an outcast and felt stupid.

THEN I watched it last night (yeah for MOXI...like TIVO, but so much better!) I couldn't help my emotions. I was ecstatic, proud, joyful...etc. etc. etc! At the end of the game during the celebrations I even teared up some. I KNOW!!! I'm a dweeb, but it is sooo awesome and I love the Lakers and I love the game. It's totally the best and I love everything right now! Perma-grins to go around!

So the Lakers are the best and are much loved and mean more to me than I thought. I wish I could watch the parade, but I have to work again. That's okay, we have MOXI! AWESOME!!!

If people had sent pictures we would also have a commemorative Lakers NBA Champions DVD, but you guys aren't as committed or something...I dunno.

Game 3 - Not Meant to Be

Here's what happened. The Lakers did not make their free throws. That's ridiculous! Come on!

I do love however that the confetti came down for the Magic's "win" with 0.2 still on the clock. They had to wait for all of that presumptuous confetti to be cleaned up before the Magic went for their final free throws and put them down for the win. At least they can make their free throws. Bah!

The game was close and the Lakers were able to stay close the entire game and only lost by four (108-104). If they had made those free throws...

Moving on. Some of my favorite things that have come from these finals are commercials. It's great that we don't just have presumptuous confetti, but also presumptuous commercials! Both Nike and Vitamin Water were counting on the Cavaliers facing off against the Lakers in the finals pitting LeBron against Kobe! Nike has some delightful puppet commercials that alternate as to which player teases the other. The best is when LeBron doesn't make it and is left alone with asthmatic Dez. Check it out...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtzQ0eXVoJo&annotation_id=annotation_875250&feature=iv

You can then watch the rest after that by following the links on youtube. You should, because it just gets more and more delightful. YAY!


Now Vitamin Water had a "who is better" contest with LeBron versus Kobe. It is quite dramatic and pretty awesome to watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9ilXA1bHg8

Then LeBron and his team don't make it and Dwight Howard does! What are they to do? Do a mocu-mercial with Dwight Howard, Duh!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wi1U4supHk

It's delightful and a pretty clever way to correct their oops. Congratulations Vitamin Water.

Despite our loss tonight everything is good. It's just one game. And the only one that matters right now is game 4. Moving on to bigger and better things.

The Candyman Can!

Who can take a sunrise
Sprinkle it in dew
Cover it in chocolate
and a miracle or two?

The candyman
The candyman can
The candyman can cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good


Lamar Odom, our beloved candyholic set the pace today for the Lakers. He contributed in every way on the court and it paid off today. Woot-de-woot. So eat some Gummy LifeSavers in his honor. YAY!

At half-time we learned Trevor Ariza's story and it's a sad one. His younger brother suffered a tragic accident and died when Ariza was only ten. He says he can feel his brother with him always and even named his, now one-year-old, son after his brother Tajh. Such a good story. I love the feeling/idea of those who passed on before us celebrating with us, proud of us and watching over us.

It was a close game and even went into overtime. Luckily our boys got into the game and closed it, giving the audience free tacos, with 101-96. This was a happy house. We were so nervous and Heather said that she was sweating more than Kobe at the end of a game. Eww...



At the end of this game, as he made his way to the locker room, Kobe met up with his girls and playfully wiped sweat off onto them. GROSS!!! Hahaha! What a Dad.

Actually, we looked pretty good at the end of the game. Game faces still on because this isn't the end. We've got two more games to win...

Game 1 Finals - 100-75 LAKERS!!!

Lakers won! No duh! ;) Our team is amazing. Kobe Bryant had his game face on from the start.

How to get Kobe's game face:
1. Have a serious intense gaze. See the prize in front of you.
2. Slight furrow of brow. Not angry, but intimidating.
3. Drop jaw and jut it forward. Your bottom teeth must stick out as far as you can (Don't hurt yourself).



Now here's a question I have for Jameer Nelson...Do you not know that a mouth guard goes inside your mouth? My Mom thinks that it was too big for your mouth and she feels sorry that it doesn't fit. I think that you should be kicked off the court if you allow your mouth guard to hang out all nastily like that.

So basically, I love the Lakers. I think they are the best. Kobe Bryant was definitely the player of the game being all amazing and whatnot. LOVES IT!!!

Lakers family forever and always!!!

Laker Girls!


So this is for real! The Lakers made it to the NBA finals!!! YAY!!! I am so excited. It's the best.

After finishing first during the season the Lakers made me nervous through every game of the post-season. There were ups and there were downs, but the only thing that is ultimately important is that they triumphed through every single series and Heather and I got to see them trounce Utah, which was delightful. Mom didn't like us missing church, but hey, we made it to the first hour-ish. (Dad would have said it was a-okay. What am I saying? He would have come with us!!! Woot-de-woo!)

Here's the deal. We want to make something to remember this momentous occasion. How? With your help of course! We want everyone (and I mean ALL YA'LL) to send us pictures of you celebrating the Lakers in team gear or purple and gold attire (No blue, come on people, they're play Orlando Magic!) You can get super creative or just snap your smiling face. What we are going to do is make a video of all this, put it to awesome music and play it at our "Lakers just won the finals" party. Of course Heather and I could just make it completely of us, but where is the fun in that?

I think this is going to be a wonderful finals and we are going to win. President Obama was even quoted picking the Lakers in 6. This is serious. I'm so excited. Watching it gives me chills and I'm sooo excited. It's so beautiful. So put on your purple and gold, game faces, beads, purple shoes because we are in it to win. (Or you could eat tons of candy in support of Odom's sugar addiction. Sounds tempting, doesn't it.) Watch it because these boys are hot, sexy and play a beautiful game.

GO LAKERS!!!

When your not practicing someone somewhere is and when you meet I'LL BEAT YOU!!!

This is my declaration, "Bring it CHUMP!!!"

I've decided that I am in a competition with someone. They don't know that they are in competition with me. This gives me an unfair advantage of being able to visualize their crying face when I beat them during my training sessions. While they are "training" they won't know what's going on and may be thinking they only have themselves to beat. NOT TRUE SUCKER!

I would explain the strenuous training sessions I have been having, but then that could tell my competitor that they are in fact my competitor. Better them not know so that when I crush them it will be OH SO SWEET!

So this is a warning to everyone I know...If there is the slightest chance that we could be competing, we probably are, so watch yourself. So basically, anyone I know has a 1 in (however many people I know) chance of being my competitor. So if you do something then be the best or prepare to be bested by this girl. HEY-YAH!!!

Post-Grad?

Riding Hank to the Post Office may not have been my best idea ever...

90% looking like an idiot...10% maybe looking cool...100% scared I'm going to fall.

I don't know where people learn how to ride because outside on the streets it's nerve racking. I felt like every single person was judging me and I hopped off more than I hopped on (technically not true, but you get the point). I still LOVE Hank, but I'm going to have to take this relationship one day at a time and see where it takes me.

AND I got a couple of blocks and it started raining and the minute I turned a corner to come home it pretty much stopped. I'm a loser.

Well, got to still get to the Post Office. Guess I'll use Franklin (Mom's car!)

AL + LB = LUV, TRU LUV

I'm sooo twitterpated it's not even funny. It was always love at first sight. I couldn't help it, I was hooked. Must be the season of love!

Anyways, I GRADUATED!!! Woot de woo! Well, I guess I graduated last December, but I didn't officially walk or get my awesome diploma holder until last week. I feel very accomplished. Now...what do I do...?

Most of the family were able to go up to Utah for the big hullabaloo. It was cool. During the huge walking, everyone graduating thing President Uchtdorf and Elder Nelson talked. They are amazing speakers. Uchtdorf was also given an honorary graduation thing so we were basically in the same graduating class. How's that for bragging rights? I know your jealous. Back off!

When we were walking into the Marriott Center before that convocation thingy I found my ridiculous theatre friends and of course we kind of made a spectacle of ourselves. We were just walking outside and decided to loudly project the graduation march song. Chad was the loudest and we were laughing so hard when we looked over and Uchtdorf was sitting in a special chair chuckling at us. He gave Chad a thumbs up and waved to me, probably because we were the most special.

The next morning was the smaller graduation in the DeJong Concert Hall. It was tons of fun. Elder Oaks spoke and man, that guy is powerful. He's so cool. I wish he hadn't run away from my sister so I could have gotten a picture with him. She is so embarrassing sometimes (JUST KIDDING!!! I love you ugly).

I think the best thing was seeing my family there and knowing that they were supportive and proud of me for all that I accomplished. Even though, according to neon green pump girl, I didn't graduate in a real major (Maybe BYU should look into that!) I loved being able to see them. They were in the front row and I was thinking I was going to walk fiercely across the stage in my purple chucks, but couldn't! They were just too cute! I got all giddy and practically skipped across the stage! I was totally the cutest (and humblest too!)

I love my family!

At Emily's house we had a party where I got gifts. It was fun. But my absolute favorite...They told me to close my eyes and I did. I honestly could not imagine what I needed to close my eyes for, I couldn't even think of anything while I was waiting with my eyes closed. I thought that they might just throw stuff at me...who knows? But then when I opened my eyes being placed in my lap was a BRAND NEW LONGBOARD!!! I was thrilled beyond thrilled. I had a perma-grin that lasted through my first ride with Hank (that's my LB's name) and lasts every time I see him. So happy!

I love that I graduated from Brigham Young University with my B.A. and got a longboard! Maybe when I get my masters I'll get a surfboard! (Here's to hoping!)

Could have fed a starving child in Africa...tsk tsk Emily Ann

Last week I decided that I was going to have something delicious to eat for lunch. I was not sure what it was going to be, but I knew it was going to be oh so good. It was.

Like lightning striking my brain I decided to make rice. LAAA!!! I love rice. I think it's delightful. I was never good at making rice. I went years without it because I couldn't properly cook this delicious treat. I would not only burn it every time, but a lot of the time it would be undercooked AND burned. How in the world does that work? I would follow the directions on the bag, I would follow the alternate, higher calorie, directions on the bag, I would ask many different people how to make rice and each time it was ruined by my hand. There was only one explanation, I was cursed.

I graduated from BYU a few months back and since being home have been petrified to even think about cooking rice. I would try to coerce others to make it for me, but they would always put sick nasty stuff in it and all I really wanted was the pure kind. I was an addict that was ebbed slightly before a higher tide rushed in. I needed it 100%, but couldn't do it myself and no one would do it for me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I asked one more time how to make it and it made sense. I knew that it was going to be perfect. The directions were no longer convoluted, my brain took them in and I felt strong with power. I was creating the perfect batch of rice! It was VERY empowering to finally hold that nice steaming bowl of rice and eat to my hearts desire. Sigh.

I had broken the curse. I'm pretty sure the curse was basically that I was in Utah and Utah doesn't like me very much. That state and I have an ongoing hatred that will last until the end of time. I know that it ruined my rice because it wanted me to suffer those four long years that I was to spend in it's grasp. Sucks to be Utah because I got out of there in 3.5 years. (I tell people it was because I was ending my supply of money that I finished early, but it was really to snub Utah and get my hands on rice.)

ANYWAYS!!! Last week I decided that the delicious lunch I was to have would be a nice bowl of rice. It was so delicious that I started talking out loud about how much I love rice. "I love rice, I love rice (That part was sung...this wasn't). I love that I can eat rice whenever I want. For dinner, for lunch and even for breakfast. I love that Anita taught me how to make morning rice with butter, milk and sugar. It's so delicious." For lunch I made it with butter, salt and pepper. SO GOOD!

But here's the crazy, amazing thing - Anita called like a minute after I had said that. She is psychic. So of course I told her I was just "thinking" about her (ahem...talking aloud to myself) and thanked her lots for a new way to eat rice. Any excuse, any excuse.

Worst Type of People: Someone who throws rice away instead of saving it for a snack later on. EMILY!!! Goodness. She did this right in front of me too. She took the beautiful rice and dumped it in the garbage without a second thought. I immediately scolded her, but there was really nothing I could do, it was now stuck to disgusting trash. Rice is not trash, it is delicious, except for if I make it in Utah because Utah hates me. The End.

Most Improved Staller

So I am amazing! Well, basically. Last Thursday, Friday, Saturday I went through Motorcycle Training classes and TOTALLY PASSED! So, basically, I'm amazing. Hah!

I was sooo nervous. This has been something that I have want to do for such a long time and never actually went through with it. I think my secret obsession with motorcycles started in high school and I only shared it with a few people. And now, look at me, one DMV written test away from having my license and TONS of money away from actually owning a bike, but hey, I'm one step closer now, aren't I?

I was just thinking about how I have never been on an actual motorcycle before going it solo during this class. Scooters and four-wheelers, yes, but not a motorcycle. That's kind of thrilling actually. My first experience was all by myself. I'm a lone rider. I don't need anybody else.

The class was fun, thrilling, scary, nerve-wrecking, and everything else. Every time I approached the bike (it was a white, Honda Rebel, totally cute) I thought I was going to die! The instructors would explain what we would do and in my mind I would freak out and then they would demonstrate what we were going to do and I would think I was going to explode and then they would tell me to get on the bike. And I would mentally scream as I would attempt to do what they told me. It was ridiculous! And oh, how much I loved it. HAHAHA!!!

I'm pretty sure that I was the only one who ever stalled my bike, this gear thing is sooo complicated! The only exposure to shifting gears and clutches and whatnot was when Mike, Joshua and Nate taught me how to drive Mike's car in a parking lot. Basically, they just laughed at me. The motorcycle essentially stalled every time I even looked at it. I think I witnessed one other person stall their bike, but that may only be wishful thinking on my part and an overactive imagination. The coaches got used to me having to walk my bike out of other people's ways. So sad. Although, they kept reassuring me that it happened to everyone, even them, and not to worry about it.

The final testing part was the scariest thing I have ever done. I would have taken a grumpy full-house that wants comedy when you are killing every actor onstage. I somehow made it through though and passed...I am telling you now, I don't want to EVER have to make a tight u-turn again in my life. WORST - THING - EVER !!!

My group was very supportive and fun to be around. They were mostly older guys that took me under their wings and told me I was doing great (even though I wasn't). There were two girls and guess what! Her name was Ashley and my name was Ashleigh. It sometimes was confusing because who can really hear the "gh" over a motorcycle. In the end we were a happy family (with one tic that I wanted to push off his motorcycle...and run over). I miss them too. You get to know these guys so well. They shall be missed.

In the end Ashley got Valedictorian and Ashleigh (that's me!) got Most Improved. It was a very victorious moment. My instructor told me that it took me so long to start up after a stall and then in the end I could do it so quickly. Just think, I got so much experience starting up again after a stall, like two seconds to get going again (seriously), and everyone else that didn't get all that practice will be out on the street stalling and taking so much time trying to get going again (sucks to be them). I'm basically amazing.

Movie Theatre Etiquette 101

This is for all of the idiots that LOVE to go to the movie theatre and have no idea how to act in a social setting. Here it is, DON'T TALK!!! It's sooo annoying to be in a movie and enjoying it (or sitting there, trying to figure out what's going on and why you spent money to see this movie in the first place) and there are people around you that are talking after every single line. Why do we need to know that that person acts just like the guy you just dated or that you do that ALL THE TIME!!! Come on people, we are in a social setting, we don't care about your personal lives.
To all the losers that laugh at the wrong parts! I know they are the wrong parts to laugh at because the person is crying (and not in a funny way). There are things that some may find humorous that others do not, this is fine, but PLEASE do not guffaw about it for the next ten minutes and continue to quote or act out what just happened on-screen. We all saw it, thought it was funny and moved on with our lives. Quoting the movie is what you do as you are walking out of the theatre. That's the time when you get to reflect on how great the movie was. It's a beautiful time to reminisce about all the beautiful and wonderful things that happened; it's not the time where you are only grateful that you never have to see those annoying people again in your lives! It's just sad how both the movie and the reflection time is ruined by some people's lack of courtesy.
So we get that the previews are there to get you to go see a new movie and it's going to happen (at least after one preview) where you lean to the person next to you and say, "That looks funny" or "I want to see that". It's going to happen, but when you announce to the entire theatre, "I'M WANT TO SEE THAT MOVIE!" It's not cute, it's not funny, people may laugh, but it's the "oh my gosh there is a crazy person in here" sort of laugh. It's AT you, not with you. And NO! The cute guy two rows in front of you is not going to turn around and ask you to see that movie with him because he wants to see it too, he's going to mock you with the person he is with. (And if he does ask you, there is something wrong with him, trust me.)
Oh yeah, CELL PHONES!!! Turn them off! The "polite" reminders right before the movie are not a suggestion. And if you think you can just text through the movie and it won't bother anyone because your not talking, YOU ARE WRONG!!! Every time you open up your cellphone the people around you are blinded. Sure, you think it's not that bright, but it is. When you are in a darkened theatre the light is distracting, annoying and makes you want to punch the person that feels they need to text someone constantly to feel alive.
So I'll admit now that I do say things during a movie, but seriously it's so whisper-y that I don't even think the person I'm directing it to actually hears me, they just smile and nod. So I probably should stop that because the smile and nod is the first clue that they are only appeasing you because you are their friend and to tell you to shut up would break some made up friend code, or something.
The only, ONLY time I ever talked loudly during a movie, in a theatre (at home, whatever, do what you want), was when by random, must have been a gift from the gods because this never happens, it was only me and my friend in the theatre. Yes, it was abandoned except for us and it was SO much fun. So fun, that I've often thought that when I was rich I would buy out entire theatres to see a movie like that again. Plus, it was a movie that was mutually talkable, and laugh, through because it was the 3rd new Star Wars movie where everything is digitally redone because actors shouldn't be allowed to blink during a serious scene anyway. If this lovely gift ever happens to you, by all means, do whatever you want, but otherwise calm down and enjoy the movie while respecting the other people in the theatre with you.

P.S. The movie that I just saw was He's Just Not That Into You and it was pretty good. Funny and enjoyable (despite the idiots behind me). There were story lines/actors I thought could be plucked out and it would be better, but what can you do?

A - B - D???

So I wrote down this dilemma on a post-it note that went up on my bulletin board in my room and two of my sisters read it and never gave any advice on what I should do! This is probably one of the hardest decisions in my life. I recently took the CBEST and for the writing part they had an essay on writing about a time when I had to make a really hard decision. I wanted so badly to put this one, but in truth I have never finalized what to do so I wrote about something stupid like deciding on what University to go to.

Here's the problem, I LOVE movies and I especially love owning them. Being able to watch them whenever makes me sooo happy. Admittedly I am a movie snob and only like wide screen, but that's not the issue. Anyways, the new Batman movies with Christian Bale are so amazing and I needed them in my collection. I half wish now that I didn't buy them because they may have ruined my life (maybe).

My DVD collection exhibits one of my OCD tendencies as it is alphabetizes and beautiful. Here's my problem: The Dark Knight, alphabetically, does not go after Batman Begins!!! However, it IS the sequel. I can't handle this dilemma, what's a girl to do? Do I go in order or stick to the alphabet? What has Christopher Nolan done to me? This is only slightly ridiculous.

Watergate, what? Isn't that green with marshmallows?

I've been lying to myself for a long time, but it's time to come clean. I do not have a politically set mind. I have never realized (or probably more correctly admitted it to myself) until I went to see the movie Frost/Nixon. I guess it makes me feel really stupid how much I don't retain when it comes to political or historical things.

During the movie I actually thought to myself, "I must have been told at least once in my life that Nixon resigned from presidency", but there I was shocked to hear him resigning (albeit fakely) on the big screen. There has to be some disconnect between these subjects and me because I've never done too well in history (in my opinion). I got good enough grades to keep getting me through, but in the back of my mind I thought that all these teachers were crazy because I have no idea what I am talking about.

My favorite history class experience was in High School when our class was studying World War I and World War II. The entire class broke into groups and had to take different topics of interest to present on: weapons, troupes, etc. Lucky for me there was one topic that I could actually identify with. I convinced my group to do the impact on media. I got to see the impact of the wars on the film industry and clothing and whatnot. Our presentation was the best because we dressed up in more 40's inspired garb, an Andrew's Sister and Charlie Chaplin, and got to show movies and listen to records. It was sooo much fun, but I didn't REALLY learn anything about the wars, if I'm completely honest (except now I know the approximate dates they occured, I guess that's something).

Okay, so why did I go see this movie? First of all, I just wanted to finally hang out with my friend again. He told me what the movie and I would lie if I didn't say I judge a movie by it's title. My mind went, Nixon?=boring historical stuff. Then, I gave it a chance and watched a preview for it and thought it looked kind of interesting and wanted to give it a try. So I went and for a while I thought, "What the crap did I get myself into?" They were throwing out issues and words right and left and I had no clue what ANY of it meant. I felt like I probably needed to do some research and studying up before I went to see this movie.

Finally, I was just gave up trying to make any sense of the things they assumed I already knew about (because what normal college graduate doesn't?) and looked at the film-making, the acting, the makeup, lighting, editing, everything. It's an amazing film looking at it that way. I was truly impressed by how amazing this film is. Yes, I tuned out during every long monologue they had (which was almost every line), but was deeply moved by the passion that went into playing the part of Nixon, played by Frank Langella, and the final part of the interview with Frost when he was completely broken and admitted the wrong he did in office. That was brilliant. Frost, played by Michael Sheen, was alright, but I was more distracted by his eyebrows and how much they made him resemble Jack Nicholson. That kind of overpowered his performance. A shout out will be made for Kevin Bacon. He played the silent, brooding Jack Brennan who is Nixon's chief of staff. There was such loyalty shown in this portrayal that it was endearing (plus, he looked quite snazzy in his suit vest, yup).

Anyway, sorry this turned into another movie review, but honestly I'm better at that then pretending to be politically interested. Yes, I have debated politics before, but if you pay any attention I always stick to logical things and not delve into past issues for my rebuttals. I would also be lying if I wasn't somewhat relieved when I never got my out of state voting stuff for this past election. On the important things (to me) I know where I stand, but I did not know who I was going to vote for, I had an idea, but it was never actually finalized. I knew that when I voted I would have to read up on the issues and whatnot and so when it never actually came...yea, I was angered at first. Who are they to deny me my right to vote? But when I really thought about it...

Basically, politics and history are completely foreign to me. I don't get it and maybe never will. But I already put that on my list of qualities my husband needs to possess because if he doesn't, our children will never have a chance. But hey, at least I learned something today about our former President Tricky Dick. And people think the media is bad for us, hah!

Isn't he a Rabbit?

So I didn't think I would turn this page into a review of anything, but I'm thinking if I see something that really inspires or really sucks there is merit in letting you people know about it. I went with Heather saturday to see the movie Last Chance Harvey.



I wasn't sure whether I was going to love or hate this film. I thought that I was going to feel indifferent about it and then just leave it at that. So our lead male Harvey's, played by Dustin Hoffman, life is completely screwed up. He's losing his job, his ex-wife turns his nose up at him and his daughter is getting married and isn't too keen on him being a part of the festivities. I kept feeling sadder and sadder as the movie went on. Emma Thompson's character Kate is still single and older without any profits and you can tell the wear that that is taking on her. I was maybe 30 minutes into the movie and felt as though that anything and everything that could go wrong to make somebody suicidal was about to. I was feeling as though I needed to leave the movie and that would help cheer me up.

Then it happened. The meet cute between our leads and though it was at first a strained happiness it was nice to not be so emo anymore so it was taken in with enthusiasm. I was just happy that they finally met, because we all know that's what the movie was about. The rest of the movie was amazing. The ENTIRE movie was amazing. It's really something that can bring hope and cheer into all of our lives. My favorite part of the movie was the many characters and the quirks that made them amazing.

Heather said, "If this film doesn't prove we have British in us then I don't know what does." She's right, it had British humor in it through and through and most of the time Heather and I were the only ones laughing. I was seeing so many family traits in this movie it was quite endearing. The number one favorite was Kate's mother Maggie, played by Eileen Atkins. She has such a few amount of lines and her scenes are filled with just her looking around, spying on the neighbor and internally connecting with the audience. To say she is brilliant is an understatement. She also bore quite the resemblance to my mother in her emotions and actions. In one part Kate has her arms around her and tells her three times in a row, "Hug me mum" while Maggie's arms are at her side trying to ignore her, but after the final plea puts her arms around Kate in what is obviously an exasperated hope that her daughter will stop hugging her. It's priceless. (That's totally my mom.)

Dustin Hoffman is quite a gruff old man, but is completely delightful. He can certainly deliver a line and, with that sparkle in his eye, he will charm your pants off. He certainly delivered the complete lows and highs of Harvey's life with such purity and raw emotion it was compelling. Emma Thompson is just beautiful to watch. She has poise and vulnerability and is a complete star. I don't know what else to say, she's just an entrancing actress because it is completely real with her. She's not just pretending, she's living. These two together is such a match. She's about 4 inches taller than him the entire film because of her shoes with heels and it's so funny to see them together. At the end she does take her shoes off and comes almost to his level (at least to the level of his hair) and they walk off in one of the most beautiful vertical crane shot panning up and out through green trees filling both sides of the screen with a sliver in the middle to still view both actors walking off together. Such a brilliant thing to end on.

I have to say how much I love movies that have been filmed in London because I am constantly looking at the scenes to see if I was where they currently are. In this film I got really excited because Kate has a class in the National Theatre and I have been where the class was shot. Then I have walked down the river and across those bridges. It was kind of fun. I know, I'm totally lame, but it's still way cool for me. But anyway, the places they chose to film in London were so exquisite and beautiful and lent so much for the movie. It was beautiful to see.

So if you didn't guess already, I completely endorse this movie. It's funny and enjoyable in every sense of the word and is still touching and dramatic. It's definitely a must see in my opinion. Hopefully this all didn't sound so lame and boring, but I just wanted to write about it. Good movies make me want to take action somehow.

Call Sasquatch, he has better stories than me anyway.

So I welcomed in the New Year with the renewed knowledge of how awkward a person I am vocally. I find that I never know the right things to say so I end up sounding stupid, snarky, or completely mad (crazy). I feel that there is never a situation where I say the right thing, but I came to that conclusion a while ago and used it to my "advantage" (somewhat).

The stupid thing I turned into a "dumb blonde" thing. I'm sorry people for using the stereotype to my advantage. But hey, it's there already, might as well prosper from it. So whenever I say the wrong thing in a stupid way it's chalked up to hair color. I trick I used to pull a lot in high school (and still occasionally) is I would just put a blank look on my face and "space out" when I knew that I really had nothing to contribute, but if I looked as though I were a part of whatever conversation was going on I would be expected to contribute.

Snarky remarks come out of my mouth right and left. I used to keep quiet because I knew that what I had to say (or contribute) would not be helpful or wanted by other people. Then my Mom got mad at me because she never knew what I was thinking because I was quiet about everything (believe me, that's how often the wrong thing pops into my head). That's when I snapped and I'm sure that she regrets ever telling me to open my mouth. Yes, we can all blame her for me always speaking my mind. Although, small kudos to me because I've learned how to sometimes control it and keep the funny, yet rude, remarks to myself (or the people I text...I need an outlet somewhere). Don't blame me, blame my mother people. Look what she has done to society.

Then I come off as crazy. Like the step-second-adopted-twice-over-niece-of-your-nephew-who-was-dropped-on-her-head-at-birth (and repeatedly after that) kind of crazy. I sometimes wonder why people hang out with me at all. It's not often, which is good, but when it happens, oh man. I'm embarrassed for myself, my family, my friends, people I don't even know, because they may come across me (even once) in their lifetime. It's like every full moon I open my mouth and howl the thing that makes people move chairs away from me. I'm a looney. Sad days.

So all this ends up with me being socially inept, but honestly I've tried to work on it. Seriously, I have. Maybe if you have known me for a while you will have noticed the progress I have made (maybe you just ignore me and that's fine too). I thought my interactions with people have risen and I was doing good...then I was reminded of my biggest flaw of all time. (Whisper) I am the worst person to talk to on the phone (end of whisper).

I KNOW!!! I've tried to overcome it, but I have serious issues with using the telephone. I've even fooled myself into thinking that I've gotten better, but then I realized that it's the people on the other side of the call that make it work. If we have good conversations on the phone then you are the one who has the amazing God given talent of "being an expert phone conversationalist". I was trying to talk to one of my best friends on the phone and I just felt so sorry for her.

I wanted to apologize during the conversation because it literally sucked a thousand times worse than Taco Bell's mild sauce in a fresh paper cut (believe me, that sucks!) I wanted to be able to talk to her and tell her many strange and wonderful things, but all I could think of was "you suck", "why do you even answer your phone", "think of something to say" and "if you can't think of something real, make it up, tell her you saw sasquatch or something". I feel that that phone conversation was the basic equivalent of being on a blind date, having nothing to talk about and realizing that you are out with your step-second-adopted-twice-over-niece-of-your-nephew-who-was-dropped-on-her-head-at-birth. I cringe thinking about it.

Goodness, of all the social problems I have when I open my mouth it's a million times worse when I can't. She must think I had something better to do (I didn't), I hate her guts (I don't), I never want to see her again (not true, I'm finding a way to see her in March). There is no hope for me. I think about it and the people I have good phone conversations are the people I have known from birth and Justin. Maybe because they have unconditional love for me and I have awkward conversations like that with them too, but don't realize it. Oh my gosh!!! That's it. I don't ever want to use the phone again, because I'm awkward and unsociable and only do well in person (subjective). So text me, show up at my door, hit me in the face and if you call me expect to have a brief conversation (if one at all) or be able to carry the conversation on all by your lonesome because this blonde is spacing out.