Utah tried it's best to make me miserable this Christmas, but it didn't work. No sir. It's last kick to my pants came in a series of unfortunate events. I hate Utah.
I was finally done with finals, but had to stay up all night to complete them, woe to me. Joshua was quite perturbed upon finding out that I had no sleep the previous night because he wanted me to do most of the driving home. Him being upset with me made me sad and not happy, but then he said it would all be okay. I still knew that he would be angry, but what could I do? I had to finish those awful papers for stupid Anthropology that I hope for once and for all is out of my life. It's never sure until the grades come out (and if it were up to my t.a. they would never come, she was so unreliable).
I was so happy to turn in that paper and I did exceptionally well on my final test for Human Development that I was practically skipping to get money back for my books. The book for Anthro got me $10.00 (whatever, I'll take it) and then he announced that Human Development was getting me over $80!!! Then the nice man was corrupted by the spirit of Utah and asked where the c.d. that went with the book was? Ummm...CRAP!!! I left without my H.D. book money hoping that when I got home I would be able to find that stupid c.d. that comes with the book, but nobody ever uses because it's really not that useful.
I waited for Joshua to get out of his final and then HE got to sell back his books with no catches (Utah knew he would be coming back so it could make his life miserable later). Then he got his knitting books and we went home to pack the stuff in the car. I felt like both my brothers hated me because I had so much stuff. I could see it in their faces. "I hate Ashleigh, she has so much stuff. What an idiot. I hate her and her stuff. Let's burn it all and then it won't matter." I left stuff that I should have brought, but didn't (oh well, I'll get it later?) On a positive note - I found that stupid c.d.
So we finally are packed and I have to say goodbye to Kara and that was sad...
I'm feeling wide awake at the moment so I offer to drive for a little while and Joshua says alright. I get in and the wheel won't turn and I feel so stupid, but I turn it off and back on and we are on the road. I have to go get a pizza for the boys which is fine because we have to make so many pit stops before we leave, what's one more. We get the pizza and I can't see behind me and focus so hard on one thing while I'm pulling out that I don't see another and "crunch", there I go backing up and letting my front bumper scrape the door of the car next to me.
I am about ready to cry, but get the insurance and whatnot and go to talk to this girl who is wearing a blanket and smoking and swearing at me. (What did I ever do to you Utah?) I'm trying to explain that it will be alright, to give my insurance and everything, but she's making me so angry and upset. Then her friend comes out of the Pizza place and says it's alright and nothing looks damaged and to just leave it (I guess the car belonged to her). I was so happy to leave, but I didn't want to drive anymore, but I still had to.
We get to the BYU bookstore and I get my money, yay. Then we drop off some videos I rented from the Provo library, done. Finally we get gas and then we are on the freeway. I'm still upset and Andrew tries to make me feel better. He tells me to think about what's making me upset and whether or not I can do anything about it. I'm angry at him right then for trying to make me feel better when I just want to wallow in my misery, but then I realize that he is right and I try to move on and leave all my troubles in Utah. We eventually hit some fog and my eyes were doing funny things and I pulled over and let Joshua drive, excited to sleep and momentarily not think about everything awful.
Then it happens, we are out of Utah, but that doesn't make Utah happy so it sends all of it's troops down to Las Vegas (who knew they would unite to destroy me?) THE ROADS ARE CLOSED!!! We are stuck in Vegas. Woe to life. Woe to living. Just kill me now. I hate the snow so much, it needs to evaporate and never come back (snow death). Extra money was shelled out and we ate and slept.
Joshua thinks we should just leave the hotel without waiting for the all clear on the roads. Whatever, I start to drive. Then we hit the mile(ish) before Primm and we stop. I turn off the car on the freeway. We are stuck there for several hours...I'm so bored I start tattooing myself and then Andrew. When it finally clears we decide we are so hungry we get off at Primm to find food, but then we get stuck in this long line of trucks and never are able to get food and for about an hour we are getting off and then back on the freeway. Very productive.
Eventually we get somewhere with food and get fed and things start to go right. Which in my mind is only because we made it to California, home sweet home, and Utah can't touch us anymore. Stupid Utah, I will not miss you. There are things I will miss, but not you.
Quickly, things I'll miss: Kara and my roommies, my Pilches that I have become so close to, the people I work with, and my friends that I have gathered through classes and shows. Some of my classes and the professors in my major and some from my minor. My ward up there, the bishopric, the people. My friends at raintree, we had good times. Being about an hour away from Emily and going to Elizabeth's for Thanksgiving.
Things I'm happy to be home for: My friends and family down here. Being home for all of the holidays. Not going to school, at least for awhile. Being free from Utah.
So adieu Utah. You were the ultimate pain in my butt. This Phelps fan is checking out (until I have to see Kara get married and walk, but no more living there for me!)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Gesundheit, now stop it.
One of my favorite things is sneezing. You lose control of your body for a split second, it contorts, your eyes close and explosion! It's very liberating and so much better than coughing. With coughing your throat gets all sore and unhappy, with sneezing you pirouette and cablooey! (Sometimes your nose runs, but dude, get a tissue.) I've always been fond of sneezing.
The only problem I have ever had with sneezing is when someone does not cover their spray. My Mom said that when she was working at an Elementary school she was walking behind this boy and it was foggy. Then the boy sneezed and didn't cover his mouth - sprayed all around him in about a 6 foot diameter (the fog helped my Mom see it.) So I've always thought that we just need to cover our mouth and sneezing would be an enjoyable experience, until recently.
Recently I've started to become annoyed with the process of sneezing. Not the individual there-is-dust-in-my-nose-got-to-sneeze thing going on, but the cultural sneeze-blessyou-thankyou thing! It's so annoying. I get it, the need to be polite and what not, but really? This all started when people would sneeze and think their soul was flying to the devil and the "God bless you" brought it back into your body. It was a nice thing people were doing for each other, constantly saving each other from hellfire and damnation. Such a nice thing to do. But I think our generation is far enough advanced that we know that sneezing is not your spirit escaping, just like taking a photograph of someone is not stealing their soul. (If that were the case we'd all be damned.)Also, my dog Molly chooses to pretend to sneeze to get our attention when we are eating so we'll give her food. It's clever.
But there are the people that just can't help themselves and sneeze and sneeze and sneeze. They sneeze once and you bless them. Then they sneeze again and you already blessed them and you don't know if you need to do it again. Does the first blessing cover them all? THEN they sneeze again (and again and again) and now you're thinking they are just getting greedy with all the blessings that are coming their way, but you are shackled to politeness and just keep blessing. Sometimes you can tell more are coming and you shut up until the end of their sneeze-fest and you bless them for all 20 sneezes. That may be the best solution to the multi-sneezer.
I've often thought that if you said "bless you" for a sneeze then you also should say something for a cough, just to be polite. Like "are you okay", "can I get you a lozenge" or "woah buddy, we just met, I don't want your germs." Those all would be appropriate and/or polite, but it doesn't happen. So we need to dispense with the "blessing people". We know their soul isn't escaping from their body (Aren't souls the good thing? Are we damning them by putting them back in their jail? Just a thought.) so let's get rid of these so-called polite habits and let people bless themselves if they need to. People excuse themselves when they burp, so they can bless themselves when they sneeze. Let them apologize and pray for themselves.
P.S. I'll probably still blessing people because I believe in karma and I feel that I will be screwed if I don't. So stop it people, and puppies, it's not cute and no one really wants to bless you. Bless yourself. (If I'm around I'll do it for you, but now you know I loathe you, your sinuses and your attention getting ploys.)
The only problem I have ever had with sneezing is when someone does not cover their spray. My Mom said that when she was working at an Elementary school she was walking behind this boy and it was foggy. Then the boy sneezed and didn't cover his mouth - sprayed all around him in about a 6 foot diameter (the fog helped my Mom see it.) So I've always thought that we just need to cover our mouth and sneezing would be an enjoyable experience, until recently.
Recently I've started to become annoyed with the process of sneezing. Not the individual there-is-dust-in-my-nose-got-to-sneeze thing going on, but the cultural sneeze-blessyou-thankyou thing! It's so annoying. I get it, the need to be polite and what not, but really? This all started when people would sneeze and think their soul was flying to the devil and the "God bless you" brought it back into your body. It was a nice thing people were doing for each other, constantly saving each other from hellfire and damnation. Such a nice thing to do. But I think our generation is far enough advanced that we know that sneezing is not your spirit escaping, just like taking a photograph of someone is not stealing their soul. (If that were the case we'd all be damned.)Also, my dog Molly chooses to pretend to sneeze to get our attention when we are eating so we'll give her food. It's clever.
But there are the people that just can't help themselves and sneeze and sneeze and sneeze. They sneeze once and you bless them. Then they sneeze again and you already blessed them and you don't know if you need to do it again. Does the first blessing cover them all? THEN they sneeze again (and again and again) and now you're thinking they are just getting greedy with all the blessings that are coming their way, but you are shackled to politeness and just keep blessing. Sometimes you can tell more are coming and you shut up until the end of their sneeze-fest and you bless them for all 20 sneezes. That may be the best solution to the multi-sneezer.
I've often thought that if you said "bless you" for a sneeze then you also should say something for a cough, just to be polite. Like "are you okay", "can I get you a lozenge" or "woah buddy, we just met, I don't want your germs." Those all would be appropriate and/or polite, but it doesn't happen. So we need to dispense with the "blessing people". We know their soul isn't escaping from their body (Aren't souls the good thing? Are we damning them by putting them back in their jail? Just a thought.) so let's get rid of these so-called polite habits and let people bless themselves if they need to. People excuse themselves when they burp, so they can bless themselves when they sneeze. Let them apologize and pray for themselves.
P.S. I'll probably still blessing people because I believe in karma and I feel that I will be screwed if I don't. So stop it people, and puppies, it's not cute and no one really wants to bless you. Bless yourself. (If I'm around I'll do it for you, but now you know I loathe you, your sinuses and your attention getting ploys.)
Saturday, November 22, 2008
The Worst Type of Person...
* Never watched Pushing Daisies
* Canceled Pushing Daisies
* Closed a door on a child making him cry
* Doesn't tell you who got cast when it doesn't include you
* Tries to hold a conversation in passing
* Does an entire show with you and then can't remember who you are
* Never makes a date
* Irrationally hates you
* Hates little dogs
* Likes cats
* Thinks someone's allergies are being made up
* Still has prejudices
* Uses and abuses
* Likes the show 24
* Likes Anne Geddes' work
* Frequents the hot tub
* Thinks Christmas starts in September
* Forces others to listen to Christmas music
* Forces others to listen to Country music
* Thinks Texas was God's gift to the world
* Doesn't share
* Is a substance abuser
* Yells on their cell phone
* Plays their music loud enough so everyone cn hear it rom their headphones
* Doesn't dress up for Halloween
* Forgets who their friends are
* Chooses to live in BYU approved housing, but constantly complains about the rules
* Holds grudges
* Makes you feel bad for no reason
* Likes you, but never says anything
* Doesn't agree with me
* Is the main topic of every one of their conversations
* Pretends to understand modern art
* Follows the fads, but can't tell you what makes them good
* Wins Cycle 11 of America's Next Top Model
* Thinks I'm writing about them
(* Is right)
* Canceled Pushing Daisies
* Closed a door on a child making him cry
* Doesn't tell you who got cast when it doesn't include you
* Tries to hold a conversation in passing
* Does an entire show with you and then can't remember who you are
* Never makes a date
* Irrationally hates you
* Hates little dogs
* Likes cats
* Thinks someone's allergies are being made up
* Still has prejudices
* Uses and abuses
* Likes the show 24
* Likes Anne Geddes' work
* Frequents the hot tub
* Thinks Christmas starts in September
* Forces others to listen to Christmas music
* Forces others to listen to Country music
* Thinks Texas was God's gift to the world
* Doesn't share
* Is a substance abuser
* Yells on their cell phone
* Plays their music loud enough so everyone cn hear it rom their headphones
* Doesn't dress up for Halloween
* Forgets who their friends are
* Chooses to live in BYU approved housing, but constantly complains about the rules
* Holds grudges
* Makes you feel bad for no reason
* Likes you, but never says anything
* Doesn't agree with me
* Is the main topic of every one of their conversations
* Pretends to understand modern art
* Follows the fads, but can't tell you what makes them good
* Wins Cycle 11 of America's Next Top Model
* Thinks I'm writing about them
(* Is right)
Friday, November 14, 2008
Sacré bleu, it's sacrilegious! (That's the only warning you get...I'm serious)
(Okay,if you didn't take the title into account let me warn you that if you love to pray. No, if you love to have long prayers, this may not be your blog of choice. Once I post it I expect to be struck by lightning...if you read it, you may be going down with me. Okay, maybe just reading it will be okay, but no laughing and whatever you do don't agree with me or I'll have to dust off a space in hell for you to sit with me...That's it.)
Here it is. I'm saying it. I feel inept when I pray. It should be easy, shouldn't it? I was taught in primary how to pray, primary! But I feel that there are a bunch of primary kids running around out there that are so much better at praying then I am (and their parents!) I have had years more experience than them so why do I feel like I suck so much?
So basically a prayer is:
1. Introduction
2. Thank you
3. Asking and pleading
4. Sayonara
It sounds simple and I thought I was okay at it. Then I realized (when I was 4ish?) that my Mom's prayers were so long! She was on her knees for like 30 minutes (maybe less, it felt like hours in truth). So I felt my little prayers needed some length and I started to bless "the good people and the bad people and everybody else", "the rich people and the poor people and everyone else", "the tall people and the short people and everyone else" - pick two opposing adjectives add on everyone else and you can be sure it was in my prayer. It was awesome! My prayers went from 10 seconds to 10 minutes! I was amazing! (Later I found out that my parents essentially drew straws to see who had to listen to my prayer for the night; doesn't help my self esteem now...I shouldn't even want to pray anymore, but I do...privately). I now realize that she had 9 kids to pray about and I'm assuming that is where the length came from (especially for the seventh one).
When I am asked to pray in public my palms get sweaty, my face flushes, my stomach turns and I feel like throwing up. People are going to judge my prayer and think I don't love the church as much as they do because my prayers are short, sweet and to the point. Publicly I feel that since I am praying on their behalf I need to make it long, drawn out and vague(ish).
This is how they want me to pray:
1. Our dear, most kind and gracious, Heavenly Father who is in heaven (or what ever else they feel like adding in)...
2. We thank thee for the snow (I HATE THE SNOW - I don't care if it got rid of a drought!) and for everything else people don't really appreciate, but thanks!
3. Please bless the missionaries and the troops and that person who is sick in the ward, but I can never remember her name because frankly she is a beast and I don't like her, but please watch over her. Also make sure we remember every last thing that is mentioned in this meeting and those to come. I don't want to forget about that "thank"simony where we learned how nice that girl in that one apartment just knew that other girl in that other apartment was having a bad day and made her cookies and then smiled at a hobo and saved a kitten out of a tree! Oh yes, please also bless that we have more snow!!!
4. (The closing is my favorite part because if you play your cards right it can be longer than the actual prayer!) Everything that was said in the holy and sacred name of our big brother, our friend, our Savior, the redeemer of the world, thy son - everything listed in Isaiah 9:6 - EVEN Jesus Christ (oh, it was him, you were referencing) amen.
Do you see how this could be overwhelming? I just don't know what to say when I get up there. I'm going to forget something, I should have written a script to memorize, I didn't even get to warm up my voice!!! (Coca Cola! Pepsi! Mountain Dew! or should I warm up with caffeine free drinks...Diet Coca Cola! Diet Pepsi! Sprite! Orange Fanta!) I need this time to myself so I can research a good prayer and do it...maybe. Okay, I can't. I'm the girl who thought that "no harm or accident" was "no arm or lasent"(I know it's not a word, it didn't make sense to me either, but I always said it because that's what I thought I had to say). I;m going to slur my words together and some poor little girl will think "Our dear Heavenly Father" is "O drivenly feather". Could you imagine the uproar at family dinner? I don't want that on my conscience! Also, I'm going to forget to bless the troops and then another war on top of this one will break out and it's going to be my fault. Or I won't remember whose name it EVEN is in and then I'll have to splutter incoherent adjectives, mumble and say amen.
Do you see the predicament I am in every time I am asked to say the prayer? I know God doesn't mind that I am short and sweet, he made me that way and if I rambled he would dread listening to my prayers like my parents did when I was little (and the things that are "cute" when your little are totally "un-cute" when you are older) and there isn't anyone he can pass the buck to! It's the rest of the people in the church that feel that longer is better and then everyone in the congregation (and the bishopric) that don't plan on taking a nap during the prayer really wish that they could open their eyes and see who else is opening their eyes and then look down ashamedly because they were caught not enjoying the long prayer and with their eyes open staring at the other person with their eyes open...see how long prayers only hurt the congregation?
We need to all go to primary for the prayer lesson (and possible the testimony one) so we don't go wrong and make people feel bad for short prayers. I say, "Rock on short prayers! Rock on!!!"
P.S. Just so you know, I love to pray. I think it's the best. For sure.
Here it is. I'm saying it. I feel inept when I pray. It should be easy, shouldn't it? I was taught in primary how to pray, primary! But I feel that there are a bunch of primary kids running around out there that are so much better at praying then I am (and their parents!) I have had years more experience than them so why do I feel like I suck so much?
So basically a prayer is:
1. Introduction
2. Thank you
3. Asking and pleading
4. Sayonara
It sounds simple and I thought I was okay at it. Then I realized (when I was 4ish?) that my Mom's prayers were so long! She was on her knees for like 30 minutes (maybe less, it felt like hours in truth). So I felt my little prayers needed some length and I started to bless "the good people and the bad people and everybody else", "the rich people and the poor people and everyone else", "the tall people and the short people and everyone else" - pick two opposing adjectives add on everyone else and you can be sure it was in my prayer. It was awesome! My prayers went from 10 seconds to 10 minutes! I was amazing! (Later I found out that my parents essentially drew straws to see who had to listen to my prayer for the night; doesn't help my self esteem now...I shouldn't even want to pray anymore, but I do...privately). I now realize that she had 9 kids to pray about and I'm assuming that is where the length came from (especially for the seventh one).
When I am asked to pray in public my palms get sweaty, my face flushes, my stomach turns and I feel like throwing up. People are going to judge my prayer and think I don't love the church as much as they do because my prayers are short, sweet and to the point. Publicly I feel that since I am praying on their behalf I need to make it long, drawn out and vague(ish).
This is how they want me to pray:
1. Our dear, most kind and gracious, Heavenly Father who is in heaven (or what ever else they feel like adding in)...
2. We thank thee for the snow (I HATE THE SNOW - I don't care if it got rid of a drought!) and for everything else people don't really appreciate, but thanks!
3. Please bless the missionaries and the troops and that person who is sick in the ward, but I can never remember her name because frankly she is a beast and I don't like her, but please watch over her. Also make sure we remember every last thing that is mentioned in this meeting and those to come. I don't want to forget about that "thank"simony where we learned how nice that girl in that one apartment just knew that other girl in that other apartment was having a bad day and made her cookies and then smiled at a hobo and saved a kitten out of a tree! Oh yes, please also bless that we have more snow!!!
4. (The closing is my favorite part because if you play your cards right it can be longer than the actual prayer!) Everything that was said in the holy and sacred name of our big brother, our friend, our Savior, the redeemer of the world, thy son - everything listed in Isaiah 9:6 - EVEN Jesus Christ (oh, it was him, you were referencing) amen.
Do you see how this could be overwhelming? I just don't know what to say when I get up there. I'm going to forget something, I should have written a script to memorize, I didn't even get to warm up my voice!!! (Coca Cola! Pepsi! Mountain Dew! or should I warm up with caffeine free drinks...Diet Coca Cola! Diet Pepsi! Sprite! Orange Fanta!) I need this time to myself so I can research a good prayer and do it...maybe. Okay, I can't. I'm the girl who thought that "no harm or accident" was "no arm or lasent"(I know it's not a word, it didn't make sense to me either, but I always said it because that's what I thought I had to say). I;m going to slur my words together and some poor little girl will think "Our dear Heavenly Father" is "O drivenly feather". Could you imagine the uproar at family dinner? I don't want that on my conscience! Also, I'm going to forget to bless the troops and then another war on top of this one will break out and it's going to be my fault. Or I won't remember whose name it EVEN is in and then I'll have to splutter incoherent adjectives, mumble and say amen.
Do you see the predicament I am in every time I am asked to say the prayer? I know God doesn't mind that I am short and sweet, he made me that way and if I rambled he would dread listening to my prayers like my parents did when I was little (and the things that are "cute" when your little are totally "un-cute" when you are older) and there isn't anyone he can pass the buck to! It's the rest of the people in the church that feel that longer is better and then everyone in the congregation (and the bishopric) that don't plan on taking a nap during the prayer really wish that they could open their eyes and see who else is opening their eyes and then look down ashamedly because they were caught not enjoying the long prayer and with their eyes open staring at the other person with their eyes open...see how long prayers only hurt the congregation?
We need to all go to primary for the prayer lesson (and possible the testimony one) so we don't go wrong and make people feel bad for short prayers. I say, "Rock on short prayers! Rock on!!!"
P.S. Just so you know, I love to pray. I think it's the best. For sure.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Rules to Live By
I've decided that I hate complimenting people. It feels as though when you compliment them they must not have lived up to your standards earlier in you knowing them.
I gave a compliment today and it went something like this. "You look so nice today!" Does this mean that other days they don't look nice? "I mean, really, really adorable." I'm totally digging my grave. "I just saw you and thought how cute you looked." I need to stop talking now. "Okay, bye, have a good night."
I felt like when I told her the she looked nice I had to qualify it like it was an insult. I felt that the "today" makes it seem as though I'm surprised they look nice, like they have never looked nice before. Yesterday? They didn't look bad...? Or did they? I had to open my mouth and tell them today they look good, but yesterday I guess not. It's absurd.
The most annoying thing is I felt I had to qualify myself in what I said even though it really shouldn't be something I need to stumble over my words to qualify. I felt so stupid. And I shouldn't feel stupid for paying a compliment.
Also, this brings up other awkward situations where someone gives you a compliment and then you feel like you should say something in response to them and you look them up and down trying to figure out what to say as a compliment back to them. While this is going on you have an awkward pause so they know that nothing about them actually stands out and that you are "rude". The little kids that we perform for will say nice stuff about our costumes and I always feel like I should say, "You're outfits pretty too!" But really? No! Everyone is wearing Hannah Montana, wearing it does not make you stand out as being special or worthy of a compliment. It's just awkward conversation.
Another awkward conversation is when you just pass someone while walking and you give them the nod and hello and they insist on asking how you are doing. Really? I'm already past you when you get the "you" of that sentence out of your mouth. I'm not going to respond with more than an okay, but when am I ever okay. Responses I have come up with: Breathing, alive, awake...etc. Anything is better than saying okay or good. I like pretending I never heard them in the first place and this especially works when I'm "listening" to my ipod. (I said I got my ipod so I can better enjoy my workout, but really it is so I can pretend I don't hear people when I clearly did.)
Rules to a perfect world:
1. I'm never going to pay any more compliments.
2. If you need to pay me a compliment (because I'm amazing) you will not get one in return, live with it.
3. When we pass a smile and nod is sufficient. If there must be verbal it will only be hi, hello, hey there...no questions.
I gave a compliment today and it went something like this. "You look so nice today!" Does this mean that other days they don't look nice? "I mean, really, really adorable." I'm totally digging my grave. "I just saw you and thought how cute you looked." I need to stop talking now. "Okay, bye, have a good night."
I felt like when I told her the she looked nice I had to qualify it like it was an insult. I felt that the "today" makes it seem as though I'm surprised they look nice, like they have never looked nice before. Yesterday? They didn't look bad...? Or did they? I had to open my mouth and tell them today they look good, but yesterday I guess not. It's absurd.
The most annoying thing is I felt I had to qualify myself in what I said even though it really shouldn't be something I need to stumble over my words to qualify. I felt so stupid. And I shouldn't feel stupid for paying a compliment.
Also, this brings up other awkward situations where someone gives you a compliment and then you feel like you should say something in response to them and you look them up and down trying to figure out what to say as a compliment back to them. While this is going on you have an awkward pause so they know that nothing about them actually stands out and that you are "rude". The little kids that we perform for will say nice stuff about our costumes and I always feel like I should say, "You're outfits pretty too!" But really? No! Everyone is wearing Hannah Montana, wearing it does not make you stand out as being special or worthy of a compliment. It's just awkward conversation.
Another awkward conversation is when you just pass someone while walking and you give them the nod and hello and they insist on asking how you are doing. Really? I'm already past you when you get the "you" of that sentence out of your mouth. I'm not going to respond with more than an okay, but when am I ever okay. Responses I have come up with: Breathing, alive, awake...etc. Anything is better than saying okay or good. I like pretending I never heard them in the first place and this especially works when I'm "listening" to my ipod. (I said I got my ipod so I can better enjoy my workout, but really it is so I can pretend I don't hear people when I clearly did.)
Rules to a perfect world:
1. I'm never going to pay any more compliments.
2. If you need to pay me a compliment (because I'm amazing) you will not get one in return, live with it.
3. When we pass a smile and nod is sufficient. If there must be verbal it will only be hi, hello, hey there...no questions.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Fall
I am very upset right now. Not just slightly upset, like I broke a nail or bit my tongue, but furious! There was no need for what just happened only a few minutes ago. Seriously. Accountability must be had for the atrosity that dared into my life. Let it be that the court hear the trial of poor innocent girl trying to get across campus and the evil, mean spirited, mother faking, phelps fan called ice.
It doesn't help that I started off with Anthropolgy class. Anthropology - the study of people across the world, doesn't it sound magical? That's what I thought last year when I was signing up for classes for this past winter and naive with excitment forged my way to my first Anthropology class. It was slightly ridiculous how excited I was, but it was for General Ed. credit and a 100 level class (the rest of my classes were 300 or above that semester; talk about a workload). It was going to be fun and easy and magical (I know I used that descriptor already, but that's how it was.) The syllabus...(duh, duh, duuuhhhhhhh)...was more intense then my 300 level English class that is advised to be taken by Juniors and Seniors! That very day, I left, like a kid who just found out Santa was not real and it was their parents who were hiding Guess Who? in their closet. Crushed and then excited to drop something that I could take another time and get a different teacher.
This would have been fine and good, but then the next semester to come up was this one, fall, the last semester before I graduate (December, YAY!). Here I am, with the same teacher, the same ridiculous syllabus (maybe I'm just stupid, but I thought your last semester was supposed to be fun (magical even, anyone?) Here I am taking a stupid 100 level class with stupid hecka long essays that could be identified as mini-thesis' for those who desire to go into Anthropology for life (don't do it, it's not as magical as course descriptors make it out to be). I've come to terms with this class, I'm doing it, I'm leaving in less than 3 months, life is good. I've now discovered what I hate more than the class, I hate the people in the class! These people are imbeciles! Sometimes I wonder how anyone this inane could have gotten into BYU in the first place (Yeah, I said it). There are the goody-two-shoes that are found in any class and are annoying, but you get used to it. What I really hate are the people who, like me, don't want to be there. The difference between me and them, I silently take it while I look online and check otherstuff in class. These people scoff and scorn and mock the teacher and make me want to stand up and slap them in the face, kick them in the teeth, ultimate punch them into the next life. 90% of the people in the class don't want to be there, we don't need to hear your lame comments, snorts or anything else that comes from you that in no way resembles silence. (I'm done.)
Okay, so there I was kindly switching my ipod (Jean-Bob; he is teeny-weeny) to a new song. I contiplated having him on shuffle, but I wanted to create my own music destiny as I walked from lame Anthropology (the people more than the class) to tiresome work. It was turning into a lovely afternoon, despite the weather becoming frigid causing me to wear two jackets. One of my favorite things in the entire world is to listen to my ipod and then imagine that I am currently experiencing one of those awesome movie moments where there is a sort of music video going on while the heroine is off to conquer the world, get the guy, or escape a fool and purge their own path. You can bet if you see me walking with those ear buds in I'm thinking about camera angles, lighting, how many outfits I'm going to be wearing, what my ultimate goal is and where I am. My moods change with the song, confidence or wariness overcomes and I have a wonderful time.
I was just switching my song to 4ever by The Veronicas and they start getting me pumped pulling me to a distant land when the atrosity happens. The chill in the air creeps into the bones and you realize not fall, but winter is upon us. Sure the leaves are changing, but it rains during fall not leaves ice on the windshields in the morning and burns your hands with cold while the sun pretends he's out and ready to do something. There are fake puddles all around campus. I call them mother fakers because if you see a centimeter deep of liquid you feel that you and your shoes can triumph that puddle and you forge through it. These "puddles" pretend to be fluid and waterlike; then in the split second before you put your foot on them they freeze forming booby traps that only Mr. Snow Miser could have the gall to put there and laugh as the unsuspecting victim takes the slip.
4ever, playing sweetly in my ear, ruined! There I was in front of the library and she slips, falls and undoubtedly is embarrased. Lucky for her I was the one who was closest to her to be the one to offer my sympathy and ask if she was okay. She said something that barely made it to my ears (earbuds, not a mumbler), "Yes, thanks." There I was gallently taking her arm and supporting her into the upright position using my hurt wrist. It may be hurting a little more, but I know it was for a good cause. Not to make a big deal about things, as soon as she was upright I walk away without a second glance, nursing my wrist.
I shall never see that poor victim again, but this goes out to her and to all of those others that have ever fallen due to Mr. Icicle or will ever be the unsuspecting recipient of his next prank. Mr. Ten Below, where ever you are, whatever you do, I will take you down (at least think about it because come on, I'm not living in Utah forever) OR I'll try to be there to help up those that fall to your power. Jerk!
It doesn't help that I started off with Anthropolgy class. Anthropology - the study of people across the world, doesn't it sound magical? That's what I thought last year when I was signing up for classes for this past winter and naive with excitment forged my way to my first Anthropology class. It was slightly ridiculous how excited I was, but it was for General Ed. credit and a 100 level class (the rest of my classes were 300 or above that semester; talk about a workload). It was going to be fun and easy and magical (I know I used that descriptor already, but that's how it was.) The syllabus...(duh, duh, duuuhhhhhhh)...was more intense then my 300 level English class that is advised to be taken by Juniors and Seniors! That very day, I left, like a kid who just found out Santa was not real and it was their parents who were hiding Guess Who? in their closet. Crushed and then excited to drop something that I could take another time and get a different teacher.
This would have been fine and good, but then the next semester to come up was this one, fall, the last semester before I graduate (December, YAY!). Here I am, with the same teacher, the same ridiculous syllabus (maybe I'm just stupid, but I thought your last semester was supposed to be fun (magical even, anyone?) Here I am taking a stupid 100 level class with stupid hecka long essays that could be identified as mini-thesis' for those who desire to go into Anthropology for life (don't do it, it's not as magical as course descriptors make it out to be). I've come to terms with this class, I'm doing it, I'm leaving in less than 3 months, life is good. I've now discovered what I hate more than the class, I hate the people in the class! These people are imbeciles! Sometimes I wonder how anyone this inane could have gotten into BYU in the first place (Yeah, I said it). There are the goody-two-shoes that are found in any class and are annoying, but you get used to it. What I really hate are the people who, like me, don't want to be there. The difference between me and them, I silently take it while I look online and check otherstuff in class. These people scoff and scorn and mock the teacher and make me want to stand up and slap them in the face, kick them in the teeth, ultimate punch them into the next life. 90% of the people in the class don't want to be there, we don't need to hear your lame comments, snorts or anything else that comes from you that in no way resembles silence. (I'm done.)
Okay, so there I was kindly switching my ipod (Jean-Bob; he is teeny-weeny) to a new song. I contiplated having him on shuffle, but I wanted to create my own music destiny as I walked from lame Anthropology (the people more than the class) to tiresome work. It was turning into a lovely afternoon, despite the weather becoming frigid causing me to wear two jackets. One of my favorite things in the entire world is to listen to my ipod and then imagine that I am currently experiencing one of those awesome movie moments where there is a sort of music video going on while the heroine is off to conquer the world, get the guy, or escape a fool and purge their own path. You can bet if you see me walking with those ear buds in I'm thinking about camera angles, lighting, how many outfits I'm going to be wearing, what my ultimate goal is and where I am. My moods change with the song, confidence or wariness overcomes and I have a wonderful time.
I was just switching my song to 4ever by The Veronicas and they start getting me pumped pulling me to a distant land when the atrosity happens. The chill in the air creeps into the bones and you realize not fall, but winter is upon us. Sure the leaves are changing, but it rains during fall not leaves ice on the windshields in the morning and burns your hands with cold while the sun pretends he's out and ready to do something. There are fake puddles all around campus. I call them mother fakers because if you see a centimeter deep of liquid you feel that you and your shoes can triumph that puddle and you forge through it. These "puddles" pretend to be fluid and waterlike; then in the split second before you put your foot on them they freeze forming booby traps that only Mr. Snow Miser could have the gall to put there and laugh as the unsuspecting victim takes the slip.
4ever, playing sweetly in my ear, ruined! There I was in front of the library and she slips, falls and undoubtedly is embarrased. Lucky for her I was the one who was closest to her to be the one to offer my sympathy and ask if she was okay. She said something that barely made it to my ears (earbuds, not a mumbler), "Yes, thanks." There I was gallently taking her arm and supporting her into the upright position using my hurt wrist. It may be hurting a little more, but I know it was for a good cause. Not to make a big deal about things, as soon as she was upright I walk away without a second glance, nursing my wrist.
I shall never see that poor victim again, but this goes out to her and to all of those others that have ever fallen due to Mr. Icicle or will ever be the unsuspecting recipient of his next prank. Mr. Ten Below, where ever you are, whatever you do, I will take you down (at least think about it because come on, I'm not living in Utah forever) OR I'll try to be there to help up those that fall to your power. Jerk!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Freud would shake his head in shame...
I am a strong believer that “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes”(ish). But what happens when you dream a wish you wish your heart wouldn't make or have worked strongly towards not wanting the dream your heart is wishing for? (ugh!)
Okay, maybe it's not really a wish your heart is making, but dreams definitely represent the subconscious making choices for you and last night the id was making choices that the ego is trying to not have to think about right now, or slightly running away from.
I would divulge my dreams happily right now, but to do so would put me into a compromising position where I lose complete power. In my real life guy trouble is abundant and my dream was showing me three of the guys that are currently (kind of) in my life right now. Nothing bad happened, it was a very clean dream (trust me). I just don't know exactly how to take it.
Look, apparently my mind knows something about the relationships I have with each of these guys and was going to the extreme to explain to me what to do. In my dream I had a very comfortable relationship with Guy A. I knew I could rely on him and I felt safe when I was with him. He's funny, adorable, perfect. Guy B was more of a mystery, the enigma that I still am trying to solve. It was also the more physical relationship(still clean – there are ways of expressing physicality without going straight to the...ahm, you know). Guy C was a fun relationship where we ran around playing games, singing, jumping, etc. Clearly by this, my dream-work analogy (thank you Sigmund), all signs point to Guy A because he contained the good parts of Guys B & C as well as providing something neither of them could.
But is that all that a dream provides, the answers to life's difficulties? And if it were that easy why are there still guy troubles in my life? I guess Guy A needs a little dream-working himself. Maybe I should tell him...(hah!)
Okay, okay, so now that this dream brings up the issue that the guy I need right now is currently unavailable and may not be available for...ever? I am going to take something from this. Guy A is not THE guy I need, BUT I need a guy that possesses those qualities that make him the best choice. (and it wouldn't hurt if he were cute too...)
Okay, maybe it's not really a wish your heart is making, but dreams definitely represent the subconscious making choices for you and last night the id was making choices that the ego is trying to not have to think about right now, or slightly running away from.
I would divulge my dreams happily right now, but to do so would put me into a compromising position where I lose complete power. In my real life guy trouble is abundant and my dream was showing me three of the guys that are currently (kind of) in my life right now. Nothing bad happened, it was a very clean dream (trust me). I just don't know exactly how to take it.
Look, apparently my mind knows something about the relationships I have with each of these guys and was going to the extreme to explain to me what to do. In my dream I had a very comfortable relationship with Guy A. I knew I could rely on him and I felt safe when I was with him. He's funny, adorable, perfect. Guy B was more of a mystery, the enigma that I still am trying to solve. It was also the more physical relationship(still clean – there are ways of expressing physicality without going straight to the...ahm, you know). Guy C was a fun relationship where we ran around playing games, singing, jumping, etc. Clearly by this, my dream-work analogy (thank you Sigmund), all signs point to Guy A because he contained the good parts of Guys B & C as well as providing something neither of them could.
But is that all that a dream provides, the answers to life's difficulties? And if it were that easy why are there still guy troubles in my life? I guess Guy A needs a little dream-working himself. Maybe I should tell him...(hah!)
Okay, okay, so now that this dream brings up the issue that the guy I need right now is currently unavailable and may not be available for...ever? I am going to take something from this. Guy A is not THE guy I need, BUT I need a guy that possesses those qualities that make him the best choice. (and it wouldn't hurt if he were cute too...)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Present
Why does our life have to be dictated about what we are doing tomorrow? Isn't it enough that we have something happening right now?
I am constantly being asked what I'll be doing after graduation. I'm tired of it. Why do I have to have my entire life planned out? When I was younger I knew that I was going to college. I never knew where. University just kind of fell into my lap. A lot of things just kind of fell into my lap. I guess I've been lucky so far.
I am happy with my life right now, but when I think about my life tomorrow... that's when things get complicated. Once I pick something it feels like that's it, nothing else. If I decide to get my teaching credentials, I'm a teacher. If I decide to go straight to Grad School, I'm a ...? If I decide to stay home and ponder what I want in life, I'm a bum. I feel that from here on out I need to make my own decisions about everything and I don't want to. (Commitment issues...) I need a sign. Maybe the stars will line up and spell out what I need to do next. Or I can just keep checking my horoscope! (Because those are totally accurate)
Right now, that's how I want to live. I think I deserve it.
I am constantly being asked what I'll be doing after graduation. I'm tired of it. Why do I have to have my entire life planned out? When I was younger I knew that I was going to college. I never knew where. University just kind of fell into my lap. A lot of things just kind of fell into my lap. I guess I've been lucky so far.
I am happy with my life right now, but when I think about my life tomorrow... that's when things get complicated. Once I pick something it feels like that's it, nothing else. If I decide to get my teaching credentials, I'm a teacher. If I decide to go straight to Grad School, I'm a ...? If I decide to stay home and ponder what I want in life, I'm a bum. I feel that from here on out I need to make my own decisions about everything and I don't want to. (Commitment issues...) I need a sign. Maybe the stars will line up and spell out what I need to do next. Or I can just keep checking my horoscope! (Because those are totally accurate)
Right now, that's how I want to live. I think I deserve it.
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